Misfortune

There is a new cool trend: to celebrate being an empath. To show empathy, not sympathy. What is the difference between empathy and sympathy? You show sympathy FOR another person; you are sad that they are suffering, but you do not share their suffering. When you empathize WITH another person, you metaphorically put yourself in their shoes and share their pain.

Here is a great little video to illustrate the difference:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

If you prefer a more academic approach: http://www.grammar-monster.com/easily_confused/empathy_sympathy.htm

And some practical advice: http://facilitatoru.com/blog/facilitation/be-empathetic-not-sympathetic/

Since sympathy is a little more distant, it can come across as somewhat condescending — “oh, you poor creature”. Empathy, by contrast, says “oh, that sucks!” — probably a more therapeutic response for the afflicted person.  But that difference is not what this blog entry is about.

There is a navel-gazing aspect to some of these posts that I find disturbing.

http://www.empathconnection.com/quiz.html
http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-Articles/emotional-empath-EF.htm

From that last:

QUIZ: AM I AN EMPATH?

Ask yourself:

  • Have I been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive?
  • If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?
  • Are my feelings easily hurt?
  • Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?
  • Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?
  • Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?
  • Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?
  • Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?

Now, to me, these questions do not point to empathy. They more indicate sensitivity – especially, over-sensitivity. Instead of just being able to identify with what someone else is going through, it seems as if the self-identified ’empath’ co-opts someone else’s feelings, and makes it all about them.

Before we can move on to bigger things, such as helping others, we need to confront the challenge of really knowing, loving, embracing, and fully accepting ourselves as we are.

– from the EmpathConnection website

Yes, a cardinal rule for an emergency worker is to make sure that you are safe yourself; you can’t help a drowning person by diving in and allowing yourself to be pulled down and drowned yourself. But – in these descriptions, it seems that instead of tossing a line to the drowning person, the ’empath’ says “ooh that person is drowning. How horrible. I better take swim lessons”.  The person actually doing the suffering is no longer relevant.

Maybe I’m just being curmudgeonly, but this does not seem to me to be a trait to celebrate.

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